Thoughts and a Birthday Dinner

I've been meaning to post for a while, so here we are.

Not a lot has happened in the last couple of weeks. I finally got my school schedule figured out (somewhat; still hoping to get into one more class), and now I keep swaying back and forth between looking forward to classes starting and feeling apprehensive about classes starting. I've been feeling rather lazy lately, and it seems I never have much motivation to be productive during the summer, even if "being productive" just means reading through a book, or writing consistently.

I'm also struggling with my own natural tendency toward messiness; neither Jordan nor I enjoy living in a cluttered home, but neither of us enjoy doing chores, either. I guess not many people enjoy chores, but that's beside the point. Right now my cleaning routine goes something like this: let the mess pile up (literally; who knew we had so many clothes?) until it's completely overwhelming, and then try to attack it all in one fell swoop, usually over the course of several hours. That system is kind of exhausting, and I'm tired of it. And it's not just my own annoyance that's getting me down; I don't like leaving the house a mess when I go to work, knowing that Jordan will come home to it. It hardly makes me feel like a selfless spouse when I don't clean up because I'm lazy or I just don't like chores.

If you hadn't noticed, I'm in a bit of a lame mood right now. I wanted to go work out before I leave for work in a half hour, but I had to make some phone calls for school and by the time I was done there wasn't enough time left for it to be worthwhile. I'm trying to lost weight, another task that's proving to be difficult and one that I sometimes just want to forget about. The thing is, I've checked; my weight right now isn't unhealthy. But, I could lose five or ten pounds and still be in the healthy weight range, and I'd feel much better about myself. I try to eat well, but I have horrible self-control. I'll often indulge in some ice cream or a candy bar if I have a sweet craving, even if my only excuse is that I've had a bad day, or that I'm in a bad mood. Not a very healthy attitude to have, and certainly not helpful if I want to lose weight.

On a happier note, Jordan took me out last night for a surprise early birthday dinner. I had spent the entire day in the apartment, and when he got home from work I was just itching to get out and do something. He told me to get dressed up and that we'd go out to dinner. I was sort of in the mood for steak, and around 8:40 we left to go to the Rancher's Club, a steakhouse restaurant in the Hilton hotel downtown. I'd never been there before, and when we walked in I realized that it was one of the fanciest restaurant's I'd ever been in. The lighting was low, the music was soft and jazzy, there were deer and buffalo heads mounted on the walls, and all the waiters wore tuxedos. Once we were seated, and after our hostess laid our napkins in our laps for us, Jordan confessed that he had told them it was my birthday. It was such a sweet, romantic gesture, and our dinner was wonderful. Our waiter came by every ten minutes to check on us, he cut our steaks off the bone right at our table, and I got a complimentary slice of triple-layer chocolate mousse cake for dessert.

In spite of my poor moods lately, my wanting to lose weight, my anxieties about school, I am very blessed to have such a wonderful husband. Jordan's been thinking about going back to school, and we talked at dinner about various paths for our future. It's daunting, and difficult at times, but I am comforted by the fact that the Lord has gifted me with Jordan as my life-mate, my helper, and that we will always be together no matter what, no matter where we move or go to school, no matter what kinds of jobs we get, as long as the Lord shall will.